Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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