there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
