i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Never underestimate the power of titties
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