We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
