Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
