dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
