Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
