I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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