i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
