Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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