I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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