and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
