yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
