Your mouth is God's brothel.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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