I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
we're so committed to being not committed
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
