On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
