I'm gonna have a badass scar
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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