Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
