i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
