So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
