Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
