literally had 100 drinks last night.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
