he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
