being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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