never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
