i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
