he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
