Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
