I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
