im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
