the condom got lost in my hair
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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