So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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