I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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