In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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