if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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