we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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