Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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