dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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