you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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