i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
