one two three fourrrrnication!
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
