He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
