Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
