hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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