Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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