I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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