I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
