I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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