I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
