It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I lost the right to judge tonight
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