Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
