Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
