I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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